A Time for Peace

Over the years mighty battles have been fought in the name of sibling rivalry, mostly over inconsequential matters.  Bickering about who will be relegated to the rear seat of the car or arguing about who mother really loves best are hallmarks of childhood that are usually resolved by the truce of maturity. Some conflicts stretch into adulthood, if only by habit, but regardless of the intensity of the conflict, a bond of loyalty and familial love underlies. So it is with brothers and sisters, and so it was with my daughter Tara and her younger brother Nevin. 

Time after time, even into adulthood, a drama unfolded around our kitchen table as countless board games ended before beginning when Tara or her brother refused to participate unless the other relinquished the coveted green game piece. Non-family members appeared mildly amused and then slightly uncomfortable when observing adult siblings rush to circumvent the other by shouting, “I’m green!” --a declaration that never failed to incite anger. “No, you are not! I am!” the slower of the two would respond before stomping from the room. I never understood the implied misfortune of having to use the yellow piece, or be the red or blue man, but there was no doubt that being green had a deep symbolic significance known only to the two of them.

Whether we realize it or not, we are surrounded by word-replacing symbols that convey multiple layers of meaning. Octagon shapes at intersections dictate our movement and silently warn of danger if we fail to heed their warning. A gold band worn on the left hand represents love and life-long commitment. The symbolic gesture of a husband who brings a cup of coffee to his wife in the morning and secures locks every evening before bed speaks more of devotion and protection than words can articulate. Lions are symbols for courage.  Lambs are symbols of innocence. Cemeteries are full of tombstones containing symbols with meaning to the deceased or reminders of hope for the living. An unmarked grave denotes someone who dies abandoned with no one to remember them or to celebrate their life. 


With each passing day that Tara’s grave lay unmarked, my guilt rose over neglecting her. I spent hours struggling to select the perfect symbols for a bronze marker to be placed upon her grave, but made little progress. Trying to capture the essence of Tara in symbol is like trying to hold the wind in your hand or contain the sound of laughter in a box.

I finally decided a cross should be centered above her name, but none of the crosses offered by the monument company seemed fitting. Nevin helped design the perfect Celtic cross to reflect Tara's faith and her heritage. It was poured in bronze, the mold created just for her. Perhaps it was extravagant and maybe even unnecessary to go to such lengths and expense, but at the time it was important to me and to her brother. I suspect the symbol of the Celtic cross reminds Nevin of the day in Ireland when he danced upon the bog with his sister.

I selected a small butterfly to float in the corner as a symbol of hope and the promise of resurrection.  It is also symbolizes Tara’s poem, a gift to me one Christmas, that speaks of the butterfly to remind us that change comes at great risk, with great rewards, and it is through the life and death of Jesus that we take wing.*

Still Tara’s plaque seemed incomplete. Over a year passed while her grave remained unmarked.

One morning I answered the phone to hear my son’s voice.

“Mom, does the monument company have green marble?”

“I think so. Why?”

“She always wanted to be green.”

And so, a bronze plaque containing Tara’s name, a Celtic cross and a butterfly was mounted upon green marble and laid upon her grave, each element having complex layers of meaning. But none is more poignant than the symbolism contained in her brother’s request. For all eternity, he let her be green.

Reflections:

“I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea”~- Dylan Thomas

“To everything thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven . . .A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1,8

“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” ~Matt. 5:9

--Is there some way today that I can offer a gesture of love? Of peace?

--What symbols have special meaning for me? 


Practice:  Create a place where you go to reflect, pray, meditate or listen. In that space, place objects that symbolize things or ideas that have meaning for you.  It doesn't have to be elaborate or large. A table beside a favorite chair, a bookshelf, a windowsill, or even a bench in the backyard will suffice. You will know what objects to choose. For example, a photograph might represent a specific person, or it might represent friendship, community, love or family. A small candle might represent the light of Christ or be a reminder that you are always in the presence of the Holy. Other items might include a favorite rock, flowers, or other natural objects that remind us of our connection to the earth and to our creator God. By surrounding ourselves with these symbols of deeper meaning, we are reminded of the sacred in the ordinary. Each object becomes a wordless prayer.  Notice how the objects might change with the seasons, with happenings in your life, or with the desire to invite something new into your sacred space.   

*From "The Greatest Gift," Thursday, April 21, 2011, From The Big Red Chair